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Brainy's Really Beard Story/Part 4
"And so while Papa Smurf and several of our Smurfs followed Tracker as he smurfed the hair trail through the forest, Gargamel was smurfing a hard time with Azrael playing around with a mouse he was chasing, smurfing all around on top of his beard and causing him pain. Meanwhile, I was busy smurfing through the books of Papa Smurf and the House of Archives when I finally discovered the Instant Beard Growth formula that Papa Smurf said didn't exist...mostly to keep Smurfs like me from smurfing up the formula and thus smurfing the same mistake as Gargamel," Brainy said. And as Brainy continued his story, Psycheliana and Miracle saw Papa Smurf and several other Smurfs following Tracker as his nose was picking up the scent of the hair, which was getting stronger and stronger. It seemed like a really long trek through the forest, but eventually Tracker found the source. "Look! There it is!" he said. The Smurfs looked, and there they saw Gargamel's house with lots of hair flowing out through its windows and chimney, and from within the pitiful cries of Gargamel calling for help. "Sacre bleu, even for a wizard as evil as he is, my heart smurfs for him in this predicament," Painter said. "Well, speak for yourself, because mine doesn't," Smurfette said in disgust. "Help! Please! Someone! Anyone!" Gargamel cried out. Papa Smurf and his group of Smurfs cautiously approached the house and saw that the main door is blocked by a thick pile of hair. "It smurfs like we'll have to smurf in through the cellar," Papa Smurf said. While Gargamel continued to sit helplessly bound by his hair, Azrael found himself lurking near a mouse hole, waiting for the mouse to pop up in order to chase it. Inside the mouse hole, the Smurfs have gathered near, with Tracker speaking to the mouse Azrael was chasing, and the mouse answering in the affirmative. "It is so good that you would help us by smurfing yourself in jeopardy, Mr. Mouse," Tracker said, sounding pleased. Azrael continued to peer into the hole, waiting for the mouse to appear, when the mouse then appeared from inside a cupboard. Azrael then headed in the direction of the cupboard and went inside it, only for the Smurfs to soon close the door of the cupboard and lock Azrael inside it once he was inside. "What's that? Who's here?" Gargamel called out. "Whoever you are, please help me, please!" "Well, Gargamel, that's quite a beard you smurfed there," Papa Smurf said with a slight chuckle. "Oh, Papa Smurf, thank goodness you're here," Gargamel said. "Please cut me free of this beard. The scissors are on the table." "I don't know why we should help you for all the times you harmed us, you rotten old meanie," Smurfette said. "I don't like M'sieu Gargamel either, Mademoiselle, but he deserves a far worse fate than this," Painter said. "I don't care, Painter Smurf," Smurfette said. "You wouldn't help your dear old father, even when it's I who brought you into this world?" Gargamel asked, trying to play on her sympathy. "You were never a father to me, Gargamel!" Smurfette boldly stated. "Whatever wrongs Gargamel has committed, he doesn't deserve to be smurfed helpless like this," Tracker said. "I think we should smurf off his beard, Papa Smurf." "Yes! Yes! Please cut it off! Please cut it off!" Gargamel pleaded. "I'm afraid that would be no help to you, Gargamel," Papa Smurf said, examining the beard hair. "This is a magic beard, and it would just regrow as fast as it would if I did cut it off." "You mean...I will die here?" Gargamel asked, not liking the sound of that. "Sacre bleu, we cannot allow this to happen, Papa Smurf," Painter said rather passionately. "I agree, Painter," Papa Smurf said. "There is only way I know of that can free you of this magic beard, Gargamel." "Oh, please, Papa Smurf, I will do anything...anything!" Gargamel said out of desperation. "By the chance, do you happen to have a chili bean?" Papa Smurf asked. "A chili bean?" Gargamel responded, sounding incredulous. "A CHILI BEAN?!?" the other Smurfs said together. ----- "And so, Papa Smurf had most of the Smurfs stand at a distance from Gargamel in case he would smurf after them the minute he was free from his beard, just as a necessary precaution, my young Smurfs," Brainy said. And as Brainy continued his story, Psycheliana and Miracle saw Papa Smurf and his group of Smurfs standing outside the house, speaking to Gargamel through the only window that he could hear anything through. "I'd hate to smurf it, but it's a good thing that we're smurfing for him, Papa Smurf," Tracker said. "Gargamel, are you ready?" Papa Smurf called out. "Just get on with it!" Gargamel called back, with the chili bean in his mouth. "Then repeat after me: 'Chili bean, chili bean, listen to my plea,'" Papa Smurf recited. "Chili bean, chili bean, listen to my plea," Gargamel repeated. "'Chili bean, chili bean, set me free,'" Papa Smurf continued. "Chili bean, chili bean, set me free," Gargamel repeated. Then suddenly there was an explosion, and Gargamel found himself detached from the giant beard that grew on his face. He had some slight burn marks from the explosion as he saw in the mirror, but otherwise he was fine. "We'd better get smurfing, my little Smurfs," Papa Smurf warned. "You'd better start running, because here I come!" Gargamel said, pushing himself through the thick hair that blocked his way to the outside. "And where I follow you, there will be no place left to hide!" "Now I'd starting to regret us ever helping Gargamel," Smurfette said as the Smurfs ran as fast as they could across the thick mass of hair that spread like a path through the forest. Gargamel chased after them until they reached the ravine, but as he stepped over the middle of the ravine, the hair started to cave in, no longer able to support his weight. The Smurfs continued to run as fast as they could to avoid being dragged down with the hair as Gargamel's weight continued to weigh the hair down. Then at last the Smurfs reached the safety of the other side of the ravine while Gargamel fell deep into the ravine, crying in anguish as he fell. "C'est la vie, that was certainly a hair-smurfing adventure that I don't want to ever repeat," Painter said. "That I would have to agree with you on, my friend," Tracker said. ----- Meanwhile, as this was going on, Tapper was around the outside of his tavern cleaning out the rest of the beard hair when he saw reddish-orange hair growing throughout the village. "Great Smurfiny Crickets, not this again!" he groaned. "Help! I'm stuck in my house with this overgrown beard!" the voice of Brainy cried out. Tapper responded by heading in the direction of Brainy's house, where he met Duncan at the door. "Michty me, and I thought we've smurfed the last of a pile of overgrown hair in the village," Duncan said. "Apparently not, my good Duncan," Tapper said. "It seems that Brainy has found a recipe for a magic hair tonic in Papa Smurf's books and it has smurfed him more hair than he can reasonably deal with." Barber also joined Tapper and Duncan at the door of Brainy's house. "Don't tell me we've got another pile of overgrown hair to deal with," he said. "Unfortunately we do, Barbie, and the poor laddie in the house is responsible for it this time," Duncan said. "Let's smurf inside and see if we can't help him." The three Smurfs entered the house and saw Brainy sitting in the middle of it with the bottom half of his face covered in beard hair. "Oh, thank smurfness you three have come," Brainy said. "Quick, I need you to help trim all this hair from my beard so I can smurf comfortably wearing it around the village." "I'm afraid that if it's a magic beard, cutting it won't solve anything, Brainy," Barber said. "My good friend Barber is right, Brainy," Tapper said. "It's possible that it would just regrow as fast as Barber would cut it." "You mean I'm going to be smurfed like this forever?" Brainy said. "Oh, that is just terrible. This is the most unwise thing that I have ever smurfed in my life." "Papa Smurf should know what to smurf, my dear boy," Duncan said. "If he's got the answer for Gargamel's overgrown hair, I'm sure he will smurf the answer to yours." "In the meantime, what am I going to smurf with all this hair I'm going to collect?" Barber asked. "Maybe Weaver can smurf it into a rug or ropes or something," Tapper said. "I'm not sure this is the right time for jokes, laddie, as humorous as this situation is," Duncan said. ----- And just as Papa Smurf and his group of Smurfs have reached the outskirts of the village, they saw for themselves what had happened, with reddish-orange hair growing everywhere. "Sacre bleu, it can't be!" Painter exclaimed. "Oh dear, not another beard!" Smurfette moaned. Papa Smurf sighed. "I have an unsmurfy feeling of who's behind this." He had Tracker sniff his way to the source of the beard hair, which turned out to be Brainy's house. "Brainy! Are you there?" "Yes, Papa Smurf," Brainy answered pitifully. "We know that this a magic beard, Brainy," Papa Smurf said. "I know, Papa Smurf, and I'm sorry," Brainy whined. "Oh, please, Papa Smurf, help me. You are so wise among all of us Smurfs. You are so worthy of all our respect. And I'm so young and foolish. Oh, please, Papa Smurf, help me." "Just calm down and we will help you," Papa Smurf said. "Somebody please smurf me a chili bean." And soon with Brainy reciting the same words, there was an explosion in Brainy's house that took place. "I hate chili beans," Grouchy muttered. ----- "And that, my young Smurfs, was how your Uncle Brainy had smurfed his first beard, but thankfully not his last, as I have learned from this fiasco that I should never ever trust a hair growth formula, especially not a magic one," Brainy said as he concluded his story. "Well, it was too bad you couldn't grow one at the time like Uncle Duncan, but at least you learned a good lesson from it," Psycheliana said. "Hopefully this Instant Beard won't smurf much of a problem as it did for you back in the old days, Uncle Brainy," Miracle said. "I would still caution you and your fellow Smurfs to be careful with magic formulas that you would smurf upon yourselves for things like instant hair growth, Miracle," Brainy said. "Who knows what other kinds of problems could smurf from things we know too little about?" "But you still like my Instant Beard?" Miracle asked. "Of course I do, Miracle," Brainy said. "Just make sure it doesn't interfere with your magical studies and experiments. I wouldn't want to hear of you smurfing some sort of disaster because of your carelessness." "We'll make sure of that, Uncle Brainy," Psycheliana said. "By the way, we should let you continue with your experiment and not leave it on hold forever." "Oh yes, my experiment," Brainy said, sounding a bit surprised. "Thank you for reminding me, Liana." Then with a magic word, "Proin experimentum," the experiment continued on as it had been when it was first paused. Psycheliana and Miracle took it as their cue to exit. They were a short distance away from Brainy's laboratory when they ran straight into Empath. "Oh, hi, Papa Smurf," Psycheliana greeted. "This smurf sees that Miracle has instantly smurfed himself a beard, and through one of his experiments, this smurf believes," Empath said. "This is called Instant Beard, Uncle Empath," Miracle said. "It's an improvement over the original formula in that the beard doesn't grow all over the place like Brainy's attempt at one years ago." "Yes, this smurf has heard of that incident," Empath said. "Anyway, this smurf is glad that your experiment has succeeded, but this smurf does wonder how long this magic beard will last." "We're still testing that out, Papa Smurf," Psycheliana said. "Well, this smurf will let you keep your beard for now, Miracle," Empath said. "Just don't be shedding hair all over the place if it doesn't work out, okay?" "I'll keep that in mind, Uncle Empath," Miracle said. "But you have to admit, it does feel smurfy to have a furry face, doesn't it?" "What if I want to have a furry face, Miracle?" Psycheliana said. "What would you think about that?" "You, a furry face?" Miracle said. "I wouldn't dream of that happening!" "Be careful not to tempt Liana, because you might not like what you have to face with her having a beard," Empath said. "Furry faces are for male Smurfs, not female Smurfs!" Miracle said. "Okay, that's it," Psycheliana said. "I'm going to try that Instant Beard formula on my face and see what happens." "You're kidding, aren't you?" Miracle said. "You're kidding. You must be kidding. You wouldn't smurf this to me, would you?" Psycheliana said nothing as she walked away, leaving Miracle chasing after her. As Empath watched, Smurfette came walking toward him. "By the way, I think you look handsome with a bearded face, my dear," she said, stroking his face. "You really think so, Smurfette?" Empath asked. "Mmm-hmmm, and I think we should smurf someplace private to enjoy ourselves while Miracle and Psycheliana smurf with their own things," Smurfette said, reaching her hand underneath Empath's hat and feeling what's under it. Empath smiled as he felt the touch of Smurfette's hand under his hat. "You're the boss, Smurfette," Empath said as he and Smurfette walked away together. THE END Category:Empath the Luckiest Smurf stories Category:Brainy's Really Beard Story chapters Category:VicGeorge2K9's articles